how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
