Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm getting married
To pizza
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
