theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
