I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
