i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
