the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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