i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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