i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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