I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
