you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
