So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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