Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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