It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
