You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
