You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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