So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
