he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
