i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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