just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
