i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
