Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
