and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize