Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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