Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
