My first STD was from a foam party
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
