Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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