sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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