She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
