i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
