she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
