you didnt know i had herpes?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
