Screwed.edu
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
