I CAN MOONWALK!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
