She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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