if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
