just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's the barista slut.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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