im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
