He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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