he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
