I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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