I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
