it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
