i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
