But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
