Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
