too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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