What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
