ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
