I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
