he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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