haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
