i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
