6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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