we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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