I feel great
I just peed on a car
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
