There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
