just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
