i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
