I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
