I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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