If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
