Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
