we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
that may or may not have been my penis.
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