clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
