normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
