it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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