I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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