Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
